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He bowed in a manner most polished, 
Thus soothing her impulses wild ; " 



NAVTICAL 
LAY* OF A 
LANDSMAN 

WALLACE IRWIN 

author of THE LOVE SONNETS OP 
AHOODLVM. "THE &VBAIYAT OF 
OMAR KHAYYAM.JVNIOIt. • • • 

WITH II/I/VSTRA.TIONS BY 

PETBJt N£W£LI 




U B -W Y O It K 

DODD.MEAD U* COMPANY 
1 9 O 4 



LIDPSSY'rf CONGRESS 
Vm> Ooeios Rwaved 
SEP 19 1904 

GLASS CL XXo. Na 
' COPY B 






Copyright 1904 by 
Dodd, Mead & Company 







Copyright 1903, 1904 by 
The Curtis Publishing Co. 



Published September, 1904 




NAUTICAL LAYS 
OF A LANDSMAN 







^^^CONTENTS 




A Dash to the Pole 


...Page 3 


The Tar and the Reporter 


9 


The Rhyme of the Chivalrous Shark 


13 


A Grain of Salt 


... V19 


Eberly's Fair Young Bride 


23 


Little Emrna 


29 


The Forbearance of the Admiral . . . 


35 


The Sailor's Stovepipe 


39 


The Fate of the Cabbage Rose 


47 


Sensitive Sydney 


53 


The Ghost of Simeon Bean 


57 


The Constant Cannibal Maiden 


63 


The Deep Sea Gudge 


67 


Reminiscence 


77 


The Dutiful Mariner 


81 


The Battle of Clothesline Bay 


S 7 


The Boat that Ain't 


93 


Captain Pink of the Peppermint ... 


97 


Vain Hope ! 


103 


What Ho! She Blows 


107 


Industrious Carpenter Dan 


113 


The Ballad of Hagensack 


119 


Andy Caruso 


125 


Aunt Nerissa's Muffin ... 


129 


Meditations of a Mariner 


135 




He bowed in a manner most polished, 
Thus soothing her impulses wild ;" 



FRONTISPIECE 

" We bumped right into the Arctic, 
Me and me matey, John." 

FACING PAGE 3 

" ' The first step's a slow step, but now here 
comes a daisy one/ 
He hollered; and what follered showed the 
words he spoke was true/ " 

FACING PAGE 39 

" When down in the slime, without ary word o' 
warnin', 
The Gudge I seen in the seaweed green a~ 
winkin' his indolent eye." 

FACING PAGE 67 

" * What is the scent from yon vessel blown?' " 

FACING PAGE 87 




A DASH TO 
THE POLE 




We bumped right into the Arctic, 
Me and me matey, John." 



A DASH TO 
THE POLE 



'Twas out on the Archipelago 

In the region of the Horn, 
Somewhere in the locks of the Equinox 

And the Tropic of Capricorn. 

We bumped right into the Arctic, 

Me and me matey, John. 
We was near to frizz by the slush and the slizz, 

For we hadn't our flannels on. 

Who'd 'a' thought that a tried explorer 
Would start for the Pole like that, 

With openwork hose and summer clo'es 
And a dinky old Panama hat? 



d NAUTICAL LAYS 

We could see the Eskimoses, 
Far out on the ice ashore, 

A-turnin' up of their noses 
At the comical clo'es we wore. 



We could hear the bears on the glaciers 

A-laughing kind of amused, 
And there we stud in our seashore duds 

A-looking that shamed and confused! 

The whirl-i-gig Arctic breezes 

They biffled our bark abaft, 
And the ice-pack shook with our sneezes, 

(For there was a terrible draft). 

" Friend John," I yells to me matey, 
" Stand ready and warp the boat! " 

But I suddenly found that John was drowned, 
And me alone and afloat. 






OF A LANDSMAN 



I was chilled to the heart with terror 
At the loss of me matey, John, 

I was chilled to the feet, for I beg to repeat, 
That I hadn't me flannels on. 

When all of a dog-goned sudden 

A peak riz over the sun. 
I swear on me soul 'twas the Arctic Pole — 

Then what d'ye think I done? 

Then what d'ye think I done, sir, 
When that pinnacle swung in view? 

I done what a wight in a similar plight 
With a similar Pole would do. 

I swung the hand of the compass 
Till straight to the South points she, 

And soon I divined that the Pole was behind 
And me in the open sea. 



s 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



I landed next week at Coney 

Where I hitched me bark to a post, 

Then I fell in a faint from pneumony 
Which I caught on the Arctic coast — 

Out there on the Archipelago, 

In the region of the Horn, 
Somewhere in the locks of the Equinox 

And the Tropic of Capricorn. 

And that is why in summer, 
When it's most undeniably warm, 

I dresses in felt and pelican pelt, 
Which is suitable clo'es for storm. 

And it's highly correct and proper 
To start for the Pole like that ; 

But I nevermore goes in me openwork hose 
And me dinky old Panama hat. 



THE TAR AND THE 
REPORTER 




a 



THE TAR AND THE 
REPORTER 



" O sailor coming from a cruise, 
I represent the Daily News — 

What tidings do you bring?" 
" Oh nothing that the likes of youse 

Would think was anything. 

" Our ship was shattered in the squalls, 
Our crew was et by cannibals, 

Our passengers was drowned, 
Our Capting sank with piteous calls 

And nevermore was found. 
" Three months I lived upon a bun 
And thus survived, the only one — 

But otherwise we made 
A commonplace, eventless run 

From Tyre to Adelaide." 




THE RHYME OF THE 
CHIVALROUS SHARK 



THE RHYME OF THE 
CHIVALROUS SHARK 



Most chivalrous fish of the ocean, 

To ladies forbearing and mild, 
Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark 

Who will eat neither woman nor child. 

He dines upon seamen and skippers, 

And tourists his hunger assuage, 
And a fresh cabin boy will inspire him with joy 

If he's past the maturity age. 

A doctor, a lawyer, a preacher, 

He'll gobble one any fine day, 
But the ladies, God bless 'em, he'll only address 'em 

Politely and go on his way. 



b: 



13 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



I can readily cite you an instance 

Where a lovely young lady of Breem, 

Who was tender and sweet and delicious to eat, 
Fell into the bay with a scream. 



She struggled and flounced in the water 

And signaled in vain for her bark, 
And she'd surely been drowned if she hadn't been 
found 

By a chivalrous man-eating shark. 



He bowed in a manner most polished, 

Thus soothing her impulses wild ; 
" Don't be frightened," he said, " I've been properly 
bred 

And will eat neither woman nor child." 



s: 



14 



B 



OF A LANDSMAN 



Then he proffered his fin and she took it — 
Such a gallantry none can dispute — 

While the passengers cheered as the vessel they 
neared 
And a broadside was fired in salute. 

And they soon stood alongside the vessel, 
When a life-saving dingey was lowered 

With the pick of the crew, and her relatives, too, 
And the mate and the skipper aboard. 

So they took her aboard in a jiffy, 
And the shark stood attention the while, 

Then he raised on his flipper and ate up the skipper 
And went on his way with a smile. 

And this shows that the prince of the ocean, 

To ladies forebearing and mild, 
Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark 

Who will eat neither woman nor child. 



s: 



15 




GRAIN OF 
SALT 




A GRAIN OF SALT 



fesr 



Of all the wimming doubly blest 
The sailor's wife's the happiest, 
For all she does is stay to home 
And knit and darn and let 'im roam. 

Of all the husbands on the earth 
The sailor has the finest berth ; 
For in 'is cabin he can sit 
And sail and sail — and let 'er knit. 



19 




EBERLY'S FAIR 
YOUNG BRIDE 



EBERLY'S FAIR 
YOUNG BRIDE 



Oh the Sauntering Sue fell into the squalls 
A-blowing from Portsmouth town. 

She was laden with pork and cannon balls, 
So it's natteral she went down. 

And the sea it riz with a terrible sizz 
While the Sue on the rocks she scraped ; 

And of all the crew that her anchor drew 
Not more than a thousand escaped. 

And when the sailors had waded to shore 
And their feet on the hearthstone dried, 

They hated to think of Eberly Moore 
And Eberly's fair young bride. 



23 



s 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



With the Sauntering Sue on the ocean floor 
And them cannon balls rolling inside, 

They hated to think of Eberly Moore, 
And Eberly's fair young bride. 



So they talked in whispers of euchre games, 

Of ladies and Eskimo, 
Of vulgar fractions and proper names, 

And the works of Byron and Poe. 

And some of 'em shuddered and looked at the door 

With a sort of a nervous pride ; 
But they never referred to Eberly Moore 

Or Eberly's fair young bride. 



In a neat little Kansas grocery store, 
Far leagues from the turbulent tide, 

Sat the thoughtful grocer, Eberly Moore, 
Along of his fair young bride. 



24 



S 



OF A LANDSMAN 



And Eberly says to his bride, says he, 

" It's strange but undoubtedly so 
That we've never yet gone on the bounding sea, 

And we never intend to go." 

And far away on the wreck-strewn shore 

Where the crew of the Sue reside, 
They never refer to Eberly Moore 

Or Eberly's fair young bride. 



s: 



25 



b: 



LITTLE EMMA 



Sailor, sitting by the sea, 

Nigh the painted rocks of Darrel, 
Why dost weep so mournfully 

On a vacant sugar barrel? 

" Think me not," the sailor said, 
" Merely hypochondriac, oh — 

Hast thou, stranger, any shred, 
Just a bite, of plug tobacco?" 

Though he took the plug and ate, 
Undiminished his dilemma. 

Scarce he could articulate, 

" She is gone, my Little Emma ! " 



s: 



29 



V 
£4 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



" Little Emma," cried I ; " Who 

Was she ? Kitten, dog — or maiden, 

Left by you, as sailors do, 
In some inconvenient Aiden? 

" Little Emma ! dainty name, 
Quite suggestive of a tale, sir " — 

Quoth the tar, " It were the same. 
Little Emma was a whale, sir. 

" Kindly sir, forgive my wail, 

These unmanly tear-drops — blow it ! — 
If you've gone and lost a whale 

Ain't that loss enough to know it? 

" Emma was so light of touch, 
Emma was so deft and smiling, 

Emma was so true — so much — 
So expansively beguiling! 



30 



s: 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" If she'd only asked me I 

Would have stroked her little chinny; 
If she'd only let me try 

I'd have held her finny-finny. 

" Should you look for Emma, you 
Might discern her by her color, 

By her cheeks, which wear the hue 
Of an ironclad — only duller. 

" When my Emma nigh you goes 

Mention me to her as many 
Times as all her flips have toes. 

(Don't be scared — they haven't any.)" 

" Sailor," in amaze spake I 

" Since at sea so much you've seen, sir "— 
Quoth the sailor with a sigh, 

" Not at sea — I've never been, sir." 



s: 



31 



s 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



" But the Little Emma whale, 

Since unceasing you regret her" — 

Quoth the sailor, turning pale, 
" Think of it — I never met her ! " 

So I left him to his grief, 

Nigh the painted rocks of Darrel, 

Wringing out his handkerchief 
In the vacant sugar barrel. 











32 




THE FORBEARANCE 
OF THE ADMIRAL 



I 



THE FORBEARANCE 
OF THE ADMIRAL 

I ain't afeard o' the Admiral, 

Though a common old tar I be, 
And I've oftentimes spoke to the Admiral 

Expressin' a bright idee; 
For he's very nice at takin' advice 

And a tractable man is he. 

For once I says to the Admiral, 

Unterrified, though polite, 
" Don't think me critical, Admiral, 

But yer vessel ain't sailin' right ; 
For our engine should be burnin' wood 

And our rattlelines should be tight." 

But when I spoke to the Admiral 

He wasn't inclined to scold, 
Though me words, addressed to the Admiral, 

Was intimate-like and bold, 
(But he was up on deck at the time 

And I was down in the hold). 

in — — — — -71 



35 



THE SAILOR'S 
STOVEPIPE 





' The first step's a slow step, but now here comes a daisy- 
one,' he hollered ; and what follered showed the words 
he spoke was true." 



a: 



THE SAILOR'S 
STOVEPIPE 



s 



The crew of us, a few of us, was up on deck a- 
dancin' of 
Two steps and new steps with light fantastic toe, 
When Closon, the bos'n, says, " What's the use of 
prancin' of 
Glide steps and side steps what anyone can go? 

" Hornpipes and cornpipes and gaspipes is fun 
enough, 
Hoe-downs and shake-downs is easy dancin' too, 
Minuets and mignonettes and barbettes I've done 
enough, 
But the reel old sailor's stovepipe is more difficult 
to do." 



0: 



39 



a 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



Then bowing once and bowing twice the bos'n 
shook his limber toes, 
Then do-see-do and do-see-don't and count one 
two, 
Then fore and aft he shook our craft beneath his 
tatting timber toes — 
" It's the reel old sailor's stovepipe I'm a-going 
for to do." 



He closed his eyes, he slapped his thighs, he turned 
a double summer-sault, 
He corn-hoed and pigeon-toed in every sort of 
way, 
He keel-hauled and reel-hauled — I never seen a 
rummer salt — 
And all the time a-whistlin' " The Road to Man- 
delay." 



s: 



40 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" The first step's a slow step, but now here comes a 
daisy one," 
He hollered : and what follered showed the words 
he spoke was true, 
For he hopped past the mizzen mast and hoofed it 
like a crazy one 
Till both his eyes was saucer size and both his 
cheeks was blue. 



He jigged and jounced till up he bounced yards 
high above the gunnel-tops, 
A-swingin' like a circus tike from dory yards to 
stays, 
Then jiggin* through the riggin' too he slid along 
the funnel tops 
And doffed his hat and skun the cat in forty- 
seven ways, 



$&, 



41 



E 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



:< O stop before ye drop before our eyes ! " the sailors 
cautioned him 
And blew the danger whistle twice and rung the 
engine bell. 
1 No cause for dread," the Capting said, " he's doing 
what's been portioned hirn 
And that's the sailor's stovepipe, which he's dan- 
cin' very well." 



Then clingin' high and swingin' high, the bos'n, like 
a catter-pult, 
Free and fair shot through the air toward the 
waters green, 
Prancin' still and dancin' still he hit the ocean 
splatter-pult, 
Skipped and tripped and double flipped and van- 
ished from the scene. 



42 



a: 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" Dish him out and fish him out," the Capting said, 
" He's done enough 
Shake-downs and hoe-downs to satisfy the crew, 
Hornpipes and cornpipes, he's proved to us, is fun 
enough, 
But the reel old sailor's stovepipe is more danger- 
ous to do." 



43 




THE FATE OF THE 
CABBAGE ROSE 



THE FATE OF THE 
CABBAGE ROSE 



They was twenty men on the Cabbage Rose 
As she sailed from the Marmaduke Piers, 

For I counted ten on me fingers and toes 
And ten on me wrists and ears. 

As gallant skippers as ever skipped, 

Or sailors as ever sailed, 
As valiant trippers as ever tripped, 

Or tailors as ever tailed. 

What has became of the Cabbage Rose 
That steered for the oping sea, 

And what has became of them and those 
That went for a trip in she? 



s: 



47 



s: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



Oh, a maiden she stood on the brown wharf's end 

A-watching the distant sail, 
And she says with a sigh to her elderly friend, 

" I'm trimming my hat with a veil." 

A roundsman says to a little Jack tar, 

" I orfentimes wonder if we — " 
And the Jackey replied as he bit his cigar, 

" Aye, aye, me hearty," says he. 

And a beggar was setting on Marmaduke Piers 

Collecting of nickels and dimes, 
And a large stout party on Marmaduke Piers 

Was a-reading the Morning Times. 

Little they thought of the Cabbage Rose 

And the whirl-i-cane gusts a-wait, 
With the polly-wows to muzzle her bows 

And bear her down to her fate. 



s: 



48 



s: 



OF A LANDSMAN 



But the milliner's lad by the outer rim 

He says to hisself, " No hope ! " 
And the little brown dog as belonged to him 

Sat chewing a yard o' rope. 

And a pale old fisherman beat his breast 

As he gazed far out on the blue, 
For the nor'east wind it was blowing west — 

Which it hadn't no right to do. 

But what has became of the Cabbage Rose 

And her capting, Ezra Flower? 
Dumd if I cares and dumd if I knows — 

She's only been gone an hour. 



s: 



49 




SENSITIVE 
SYDNEY 




a: 



SENSITIVE 
SYDNEY 



'Twas all along the Binder Line 

A-sailin' of the sea 
That I fell out with Sydney Bryne 

And Sid fell out with me. 

He spoke o' me as " pie-faced squid 
In a laughin' sort o' way, 

And I, in turn, had spoke o* Sid 
As a " bow-legg'd bunch o' hay." 

He'd mentioned my dishonest phiz 
And called me "blattin' calf "— 

We both enjoyed this joke o' his 
And had a hearty laugh. 



53 



Icy. 



s: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



But when I up and says to him, 
" Yer necktie ain't on straight," 

" I didn't think ye'd say that, Jim," 
He hissed with looks o' hate. 

And then he lit a fresh segar 
And turned away and swore — - 

So I knowed I'd brung the joke too far 
And we wasn't friends no more. 



54 



THE GHOST OF 
SIMEON BEAN 



I was all alone on the tarboard watch 

A-busying of meself 
A-driving nails and dusting the sails 

And laying 'em up on a shelf. 

I was that engaged in me ardyous work 

It was minutes before I seen, 
A-lighting a match on the rooster hatch, 

The ghost of Simeon Bean. 

When I seen who it was I says to meself, 
" Oh scuttle me shoes, what a bore ! " 

For I knowed by his walk he was going to talk 
As he done in his life before. 



s: 



57 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



So I says to the ghost of Simeon Bean, 
" Ye're as welcome as you can be, 

But I'm busy to-night a-putting things right, 
And I can't converse with ye." 

" I can tell ye a tale," says Simeon Bean, 
"As would slither your marrer cold." 

" Ye can," says I, concealing a sigh, 
For I'd heard all his yarns of old. 

" I've went and seen," says Simeon Bean, 

In a solemn, mysterious way, 
So I answers polite as a shipmate might, 

" Why Simeon, you don't say ! " 

" I have been and went," says Simeon Bean, 
With the wheeze that I knowed so well. 

And I says as I tries a look of surprise, 
"You reely don't mean to tell!" 



58 



1 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" If you'd saw what I done," says Simeon Bean, 

Which same he had said before, — 
But I gave not a darn for his musty old yarn, 

And I wouldn't endure no more. 

So I says to the ghost of Simeon Bean, 

" Git back to your watery bier ! 
For I know dumd well that the tales you tell 

Is the wust that I ever did hear. 

" And it's right that the dead 'uns should tell no 
tales, 

And the rule it applies to you. 
You'd talk all night if I stayed polite, 

But that I refuses to do." 

Then Simeon, throwing a ghostly stare 
That gimbled me heart clean through, 

Says, " Where is the dime that ye borrowed one 
time 
And the knife that I lent to you? " 



e: 



59 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



I was founded dumb and paralyzed numb 

By the terrible words he said, 
Till I seen him glide right over the side 

Down into the oyster bed. 

And I says to the Mate, " That Simeon Bean 
Was the longedest windedest fool 

That ever croke an alamanac joke 
Or talked the leg off a stool. 

" And if ever I sees the sperrit of Bean 

A-walking around the mast, 
I'll let him walk, but I'll smother his talk." 

" Aye, aye," says the Mate, " avast ! " 



s 



60 




THE CONSTANT 
CANNIBAL MAIDEN 



a 



THE CONSTANT 
CANNIBAL MAIDEN 



tar 



Far oh far is the Mango island, 

Far oh far is the tropical sea — 
Palms aslant and the hills a-smile, and 

A Cannibal maiden a-waitin' for me. 

I've been deceived by a damsel Spanish 
And Indian maidens both red and brown, 

A black-eyed Turk and a blue-eyed Danish 
And a Puritan lassie of Salem town. 

For the Puritan Prue she sets in the offing 
A-castin' 'er eyes at a tall Marine, 

And the Spanish minx is the wust at scoffing 
Of all of the wimming I ever seen. 



0: 



63 







NAUTICAL LAYS 



But the cannibal maid is a simple creetur 

With a habit of gazin* over the sea, 
A-hopm' in vain for the day I'll meet *er 

And constant and faithful a-yearnm* for me. 

Me Turkish sweetheart she played me double — 
Eloped with the Sultan Harum In-Deed, 

And the Danish damsel she made me trouble 
When she ups and married an oblong Swede. 

But there's truth in the heart of the maid of Mango, 
Though her cheeks is black like the kiln-baked 
cork, 

As she sets in the shade of the whingo-whango 
A-waitin' for me — with a knife and fork. 



s: 



6 4 




THE DEEP 
SEA GUDGE 




When down in the slime, without ary word o' warnin', 
The Gudge I seen in the seaweed green a-winkin' 
his indolent eye." 



a 



THE DEEP 
SEA GUDGE 



The deep sea Gudge what lives on the sandy bot- 
tom, 
(Is the fish o' the sea afeard o' we or us'ns afeard 
o* they?) 
Feelers and gills and hookers and claws he's got 
'em 
Trailin' behind and j'inted and j'ined in an orful, 
onnatteral way. 

You fish for herring with sinkers and hooks and 
yankers, 
You fish for trout with a silk line stout and a 
little moskeeter fly, 



6 7 



s: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



But the deep sea Gudge he nibbles at chains and 
anchors 
And gobbles at rafts and lumber crafts and battle- 
ships hurryin' by. 

We lay one noon in the lea o* the dry Melessas, 
And we pulled right main at our anchor chain, 
but found she refused to budge, 
Then we shuddered and winked and whispered 
together, " Bless us! 
Our anchor's cast and she's held tight fast in the 
teeth o' the deep sea Gudge ! " 

It was me that dove in the slith o' the sea next 
mornin' 
To see if the Gudge was willin' to budge for a 
sailor that's slick and sly, 
When down in the slime, without ary word o' 
warnin', 
The Gudge I seen in the seaweed green a-wunkin* 
his indolent eye. 



68 



s: 



OF A LANDSMAN 



And the anchor he held like a quid in his teeth and 
chawed it — 
I couldn't but look, though I shuddered and 
shook at the terrible sight I see — 
For the barb was caught in the roof of his mouth 
and clawed it 
While the Gudge cried, " Help ! " with a dolorous 
yelp that frizzled the blood o' me. 

" O Gudge," says I, " It's the anchor of ourn you're 

eatin' " 

" Gwan away if ye've nothin' to say," says the 
Gudge in a glummerin' grouch, 
" For I've swallered the prong and me pain is be- 
yond repeatin'," 
Then he flibbered and flobbed and hollered and 
sobbed with a piscatorial " Ouch ! " 



Q 



6 9 



s: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



" Full orften I've swallered a Chinee junk and a 
dory, 
And I've made a snack of a fishin' smack, that 
bein' a tender treat, 
But me jaws grow weak as me head grows old and 
hoary 
And I never can rest when I can't digest the 
copper and steel I eat. 

" O wurra-wur-oo ! I'm tellin* to you me troubles 
That you may judge of the pain o' the Gudge 
whose stummick is full o' ships," 
Then he blubbered again till the sea was a-brim 
with bubbles 
And twisted his face to a glum grimace and 
wrinkled his writhy lips. 



70 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" Don't take on so," I says, " and I'll try to ease 
you." 
So I signaled above till a line was hove with a 
crowbar tied thereto, 
Then I says to the Gudge, "Here's a trick o' me 
own to please you. 
Now look straight south and open yer mouth 
and I'll see what a man can do." 

Then I druv the bar in the crease of his shining 
tushes 
And twisted and tugged and jiggered and lugged 
with a mighty, tremenjus pry, 
But the Gudge winced not at me wrenches and 
pulls and pushes, 
Till there riz a tear like a gallon o' beer to his 
indolent, rollin' eye. 



0: 



7* 



et 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



" Oh, stop ! " says he, " it's the sensitive Gudge 
you're killin' — 
It's kind you are, but drop the bar, for yer 
efforts they ain't no use." 
But I yanked once more with a yank that was more 
than willin'. 
And I tugged again with me might and main till 
the anchor and chain came loose. 

Then he gawped at me with a look o' surprise and 
puzzle, 
(Is the fish o' the sea afeard o' we or us'ns afeard 
o' they?) 
And seein' the anchor hangin' close to his muzzle 
He gave a gulp and swallered it up in a solemn 
and obstinate way. 



s 



72 



e: 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" Oh murder ! " he cried as again it stuck in his 
gullet, 
" O pull it free, it's a-hurtin' of me — O slither 
me deaf and dumb ! " 
" YouVe druven the cork," says I, " and you'll have 
to pull it — 
And I'll take no fudge from a deep sea Gudge," 
so back to the ship I swum. 

And the deep sea Gudge what lives on the floor o' 
the ocean 
He chaws in vain at our anchor chain which 
neither will break nor budge, 
And our bark rides high with never a move nor 
motion 
While we cusses the day we was fastened to stay 
by the whim o' the deep sea Gudge. 



73 



s: 



REMINISCENCE 



When many years we'd been apart 

I met Sad Jim ashore 
And set to talkin' heart to heart 

About the days of yore. 

" Do you recall them happy days? " 
" I don't," says Jim, " do you? " 

I speaks up hearty and I says, 
"Be jiggered if I do!" 

" Then why are you recallin' of 
The joyful days gone by, 

The songs and girls we ust to love? 
" What songs and girls? " says I. 



B 



77 



s: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



" I guess I have f ergot," says Jim 

And started N N E. 
It seems I had the best o' him 

And him the best o' me. 



s 



78 




THE DUTIFUL 
MARINER 






THE DUTIFUL 
MARINER 



a 



'Twas off the Eastern Filigrees — 
Wizzle the pipes o'ertop! — 

When the gallant Captain of the Cheese 
Began to skip and hop. 

" Oh stately man and old beside, 

Why dost gymnastics do? 
Is such example dignified 

To set before your crew? " 

" Oh hang me crew," the Captain cried, 

" And scuttle of me ship. 
If I'm the skipper, blarst me hide ! 

Ain't I supposed to skip? 



81 



a 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



" I'm growing old," the Captain said ; 

" Me dancing days are done ; 
But while I'm skipper of this ship 

I'll skip with any one. 

" I'm growing grey," I heard him say, 
" And I cannot rest or sleep 

While under me the troubled sea 
Lies forty spasms deep. 

" Lies forty spasms deep," he said ; 

" But still me trusty sloop 
Each hour, I wot, goes many a knot 

And many a bow and loop. 

" The hours are full of knots," he said, 

" Untie them if ye can. 
In vain I've tried, for Time and Tied 

Wait not for any man. 



s: 



82 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" Me fate is hard," the old man sobbed, 

" And I am sick and sore. 
Me aged limbs of rest are robbed 

And skipping is a bore. 

" But Duty is the seaman's boast, 

And on this gallant ship 
You'll find the skipper at his post 

As long as he can skip." 

And so the Captain of the Chetse 

Skipped on again as one 
Who lofty satisfaction sees 

In duty bravely done. 



0: 



83 



THE BATTLE OF 
CLOTHESLINE BAY 






What is the scent from yon vessel blown ? ' " 



THE BATTLE OF 
CLOTHESLINE BAY 



The neatest officer on the coast — 

Hang your sails to the whiffletree slat! — 

Was the famous Admiral Buttertoast 
Who sailed the historical Derby Hat. 

Flutter the ensign, whittle the screw 

For the neat old Admiral and his crew! 

His sailormen were the tidiest tars 

That sought renown 'neath the billowing flags 
As they stood in place on the decks and spars 

With carpet sweepers and dusting rags. 
And Monday mornings the sails they'd reef 
And iron 'em out like a handkerchief. 



H-t^i-i. . i . ■«--....- 



V 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



" Men," said the Admiral, " I abhor 

To litter my boat with the shot and shell, 

And it's very untidy to go to war 

And scent my sails with the powder smell ; 

So load the cannon with scouring soap 

And sachet powder of heliotrope. ,, 

About this period on the main 

Sailed the slatternly pirate, Grimy Dan, 

Whose slipshod methods were terribly plain 
In the state of his vessel, the Frying Pan, 

Where the decks were littered with bottles and 
crumbs 

And the masts were smeared by his gory thumbs. 

So the grim marauders of Grimy Dan 

Sailed the greasy Frying Pan into the bay 

Where the Derby Hat all spick and span 
A-drying her clothes in the offing lay. 

" Ho ! " cried the Pirate, and likewise, " Hum ! 
Edam Schnapps and Jamaica Rum! — 



s 



88 



B 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" By me bloody yards and me slippery plank, 
What is the scent from yon vessel blown? " 

" That," quoth the bos'n, Terrible Hank, 
"Is washing powder and eau de Cologne." 

" Heave-ho, mateys," said Dan, " and away ! 

I risk no battles on washing day." 

" Friends," said the Admiral, " I confess 
I'm glad to be rid of the rude galoots. 

They might have caused a terrible mess 

By tracking our decks with their muddy boots. 

Dear me suds ! what a shock it would be 

To a shipshape, housekeeping man like me ! " 

So the Frying Pan with her tattered crew 
Like a dingy spectre slunk from the scene 

And the Admiral neat, when the foe withdrew, 
Sent a wireless telegram to his Queen, 

" I beg to report, if your Majesty please, 

I have lathered the Pirates and scoured the seas.' 



s: 



8 9 



s: 



THE BOAT 
THAT AIN'T 



A stout, fat boat for gailin' 

And a long, slim boat for squall; 

But there isn't no fun in sailin' 
When you haven't no boat at all. 

For what is the use o' calkin' 
A tub with a mustard pot — 

And what is the use o' talkin' 
Of a boat that you haven't got? 



93 



CAPTAIN PINK OF 
THE PEPPERMINT 



q: 



CAPTAIN PINK OF 
THE PEPPERMINT 



Old Capting Pink of the Peppermint, 

Though kindly at heart and good, 
Had a blunt, bluff way of a-gittin' 'is say 

That we all of us understood. 

When he brained a man with a pingle spike 

Or plastered a seaman flat, 
We should V been blowed, but we all of us knowed 

That he didn't mean nothin' by that. 

For Capting Pink was a bashful man 

And leary of talk as death, 
So he easily saw that a crack in the jaw 

Was better than wastin' 'is breath. 



a 



97 



m 

[v NAUTICAL LAYS 



Sometimes he'd stroll from the ostrich hatch 

Jest a-feelin' a trifle rum, 
Then he'd hang us tars to the masts and spars 

By a heel or an ear or a thumb. 

When he done like that, as he oft times did, 
We v/inked at each other and smole, 

And we snickered in glee and says, says we, 
"Ain't that like the dear old soul! " 

I was wonderful fond of old Capting Pink, 

And Pink he was fond o' me, 
(As he frequently said when he battered me head 

Or sousled me into the sea). 

When he sewed the carpenter up in a sack, 

And fired the cook from a gun, 
We'd a-thunk that 'is rule was a little mite crool, 

If we hadn't knowed Pink as we done. 



98 



OF A LANDSMAN 



Old Capting Pink of the Peppermint, 

We all of us loved 'im so 
That we waited one night till the tide was right 

And the funnels was set for a blow. 

Then we hauled 'im out of 'is feather bed 
And hammered the dear old bloke ; 

And he understood, (as we knowed he would) 
That we done what we did as a joke. 

Then we roguishly tumbled 'im over the side, 
And quickly reversin' the screws, 

We hurried away to Mehitabel Bay 
For a jolly piratical cruise. 

Old Capting Pink of the Peppermint — 
I'm shocked and I'm pained to say 

That there's few you'll find of the Capting's kind 
In this here degenerate day. 



0: 



99 




VAIN 
HOPE! 



a 



VAIN 
HOPE! 



With all me travels on the seas, 
With all me pain and joy, 

I never met 

An infant yet 
Who knowed me as a boy. 

They never speak o' years gone by 
When I was 3'oung and free. 

This may be right, 

But it is quite 
Discouragin* to me. 



103 



WHAT HO! 
SHE BLOWS 




WHAT HO! 
SHE BLOWS 



Yes, I am the bloke what shovelled the coke 

On the whaler, Lally-ma-Loo ; 
And the gallant soul what scuttled the coal 

Is the same that's talking to you. 

We stud in the bight that starry night 

A-tacking agin the gale 
When the Capting shouts, " She spins, she spouts ! 

Yo-ho and avast, the whale ! " 

(Of course you know that the yell, " Yo-ho !" 
Should mean, " Slack stidder and cast ! " 

And you understand the simple command 
When the Capting hollers, " Avast ! ") 

|Tf " — — — — — — — /^ 

y io7 e 



s: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



So we on with our coats and we manned the boats 
For the point where the whale she blew, 

And we carried aboard a bundle 'o cord, 
A pearl handled knife and a screw. 

" O Capting Nye," I says, says I, 

" Now what are we going to do, 
In such a gale to murder a whale 

With a pearl handled knife and a screw? " 

But the Capting's gaze was over the haze 

And never a word spoke he, 
And never a speech and never a screech, 

And never a word to me. 

Till he says and he said as he p'inted ahead, 

Right straight at the monster's fin, 
" His actions denote that his heart's in his throat, 

So jab him under the chin ! " 



108 



a: 



OF A LANDSMAN 



So he held the screw — I'm a-tellin' you true — 

And he handed the knife to me ; 
And gripping the sheath in me wisdom teeth 

I plumped straight into the sea. 

Yes, out I dumb and over I swum 

Right under the monster's fin, 
Where I opens me knife, and regardless of life, 

I jabs him under the chin. 

Then the whale piped high a leviathan cry 

And he guggled in huge despair ; 
Then he splattered our sail and stud on his tail 

And turned nine flips in the air. 

" My eye, my eye ! " says Capting Nye, 

" I didn't expect that there, 
That a full sized whale would stand on his tail 

And turn nine flips in the air." 



109 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



And he says, says he, " It appears to me, 

That the animal must be vexed. 
We'd better be going — there isn't no knowing 

What he will be doing next." 

So we switched our tack and we hurried back 

To the jolly old Lally-ma-Loo, 
Me holding the cord which we had aboard 

And the Capting holding the screw. 

And he says to me, " If a way there be 

To murder a whale in a storm 
It's to bandage his eyes and smother his cries 

With a bottle o' chloroform." 



^ *'tJ 



no 




INDUSTRIOUS 
CARPENTER DAN 



s: 



INDUSTRIOUS 
CARPENTER DAN 



An honest man what loves his trade 

Deserves me honest grip; 
And Carpenter Dan was a handy man 

To have about a ship. 

The things he couldn't hammer up 
Them things he hammered down; 

He sawed the rails and spliced the sails 
And done his bizness brown. 

He scroll-sawed all the masts and spars 

And varnished 'em with ile, 
Then he shingled the poop of our gallant sloop 

With a gable, Queen Anne style. 

r 







113 



b: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



Along the basement porthole sills 

He worked for hours and hours 
A-building tiers of jardineers 

And planting 'em with flowers. 

He filled the deck with rustic seats 
And many a grapevine swing — 

Yes, a handy man was Carpenter Dan, 
For he thought of everything. 

Then pretty soon he got a scheme 

To ease the Capting's cares, 
So he fitted the sloop with a fine front stoop, 

With rugs and Morris chairs. 

And there we sat a-drinking tea, 

The Capting and his crew, 
When we heard arise, to our great surprise, 

A nawful hulleroo. 



a: 



114 



OF A LANDSMAN 



The Capting looked across the rail 

And sort of chawed his lip — 
For Carpenter Dan was building an 

Extension to the ship! 

" Avast there, Dan ! " the Capting cried, 
"What have you gone to do?" 

" Don't bother me, man," said Carpenter Dan, 
" I'm fixing things for you." 

Then he toe-nailed on a rafter beam 

And sawed a two-by-four; 
Then he gave a yank to a six-inch plank 

And started on the floor. 

So Dan he worked three solid weeks 

Till on a happy day, 
A double craft with a Queen Anne aft 

We sailed into the bay. 



0: 



115 



s: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



And from that bonny lean-to boat 
We vowed no more to roam; 

From window panes to weather vanes 
We loved our floating home. 

And as we sat among the vines 

On many an ocean trip 
We vowed that Dan was a handy man 

To have about the ship. 



az 



116 



THE BALLAD OF 
HAGENSACK 





s: 



THE BALLAD OF 
HAGENSACK 



I'd been away a year, a year 

A-sailing of the main 
When I came back to Hagensack 

To see the town again. 

" I oughter weep," says I, says I — 

" I wonder why I don't? 
I know I shan't — perhaps I can't, 

Perhaps again I won't. 

" But where is all the friends, the friends 
What once was blithe and free? 

I look to find that they have pined 
Away with thoughts o' me." 



1x9 



s: 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



And so I sought the house, the house 

Where lived me old friend, Bill. 
"'Tis sad," I said, "to think he's dead — 

To think that grief can kill ! " 

" Is big Bill Smith to home, to home, 

Is Smith to home?" says I. 
" Oh yes, he's here a-drinkin' beer 

And larkin' to the sky." 

" A-larkin' to the sky ! " says I, 

" And him, the faithless bloke, 
Was that bereft the day I left 

I thought that he would croke." 

Then I thought of Mamie Jones,-mie Jones, 

What was me finansay; 
It seemed that she, in decency, 

Would have to pine away. 



rr 



120 



OF A LANDSMAN 



" Is Mamie Jones to home, to home, 
Her that was deep enthralled?" 

" Oh, no, she's out with Mister Prout - 
I'll tell her that you called." 

" Oh that you needn't do, — dn't do, 

You needn't do that same. 
Why ain't she cold beneath the mold? 

O careless, careless Mame! 

"One time I read about, about 

A tar named Tim McGee 
And people sighed and up and died 

The day he put to sea; 

" But not in Hagensack,-ensack 

Was such a story writ, 
For I believe the more I leave 

The healthier they git." 



r 

121 



a 



NAUTICAL LAYS 



Then straight I went and put, and put 

A turnip on a stick 
And with a tack wrote, " HAGENSACK, 

THE FICKLEST OF THE FXCK." 

And then I took the turnip up 

And fed it to a cow. 
" I'll ne'er go back to Hagensack," 

I says, and kept me vow. 



FT 



122 



ANDY 
CARUSO 



Did ye ever meet Andy Caruso 
The mate o' the Nannygoat G.? 

If ye hain't ye should certainly do so, 
Fer a wonderful person is he. 

When his ship is far out in the ocean 
He swims in the wake o' the bark 

And whistles with glee and emotion 
And swears he'll be et by a shark. 

He speaks forty langwidges, partly, 
Which ye can't understand if ye try. 

If ye tell 'im the same he'll say smartly, 
" Quite natteral — neither can I ! " 



e: 



125 



_ 

^ NAUTICAL LAYS 

He shoots off a gun and looks cheerful - 
Whenever he makes a mistake, 

And he talks in 'is sleep somethin' fearful 
Three fourths o' the time he's awake. 

He has the pee-cooliar-est trousseau 
Which he wears on the Nannygoat G. ; 

Yes, ye ought to meet Andy Caruso, 
Fer a wonderful person is he. 



126 




MUFFIN 



AUNT NERISSA'S 
MUFFIN 



It was touching when I started 

For to run away to sea. 
All the town was broken hearted, 

As I knowed that they would be. 

And me Aunt Nerissa Duffin, 
Standing weeping on the spot, 

Handed me a graham muffin 

And she says, " Take care, its hot ! 

" Though you've been a bit unruly 

We are awful fond of ye. 
I remain yours very truly, 

Ever thine, Nerissa D." 



129 



fy NAUTICAL LAYS 

Then she had a bad hy-sterick 
And she fell down in a faint 

Till they raised her with a derrick — 
Light and airy? — Aunty ain't 

So I left Nerissa Duffin 

Waving of her handkerchee 
And I took her graham muffin 

As I sadly put to sea. 

Says the mate, " Why don't ye eat it? " 
But me youthful head I shook; 

For I knowed — nor dare repeat it — 
Aunt Nerissa couldn't cook. 

Then we sailed to De Janeiro 

Where we spent a week in Wales, 

And enjoyed ourselves in Cairo 
Tossing oysters to the whales. 



130 



OF A LANDSMAN 



Next we visited Virginia 
Loading almanacks as freight, 

Then we tarried in Sardinia 

Where we caught sardines for bait. 

But when it was late September 
Something frightened of us all; 

What it was I don't remember, 
Why it was I don't recall. 

But I says to Capting Casmar, 
" Be we on the land or sea? " 

But the Capting had the asthma 
And he wouldn't speak to me. 

Then the pilot on the trestle 
He began to rip and snort 

And he hollered, " Back the vessel ! " 
Till the ship arrived in port. 



131 







NAUTICAL LAYS 



And there stood Nerissa Duffin 

Waiting for me on the spot 
And she says, " Where is me muffin? 

Wretched boy, have you f ergot?" 

" Do you think I could ferget it? " 

Answers I in grief and pain, 
"Saved!" she cried, "I thought you'd et it"— 

And she swooned away again. 



132 



126 




MEDITATIONS OF 
A MARINER 



s: 



MEDITATIONS OF 
A MARINER 



A-watchin' how the sea behaves 
For hours and hours I sit; 

And I know the sea is full o' waves - 
I've often noticed it. 

For on the deck each starry night 
The wild waves and the tame 

I counts and knows 'em all by sight 
And some of 'em by name. 

And then I thinks a cove like me 
Ain't got no right to roam ; 

For I'm homesick when I puts to sea 
And seasick when I'm home. 

135 





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